I popped by That Grrl’s the other day and came across one of those stupid “Which Whatever Are You” quizzes that for some mysterious reason caught my fancy. OK, fine; it isn’t that mysterious. I took it because I wanted to see if I’d end up fulfilling my lifelong goal of shagging House.

Sadly, it is not to be. Apparently, my TV boyfriend is instead Dan Humphrey. I’ve never heard of Dan, but it seems he’s a character in a new TV show called Gossip Girl. It sounds exactly like that travesty of television known as The OC, except instead of being a show about the spoiled children of the rich and famous in an Orange County high school, it’s a show about the spoiled children of the rich and famous in a NYC high school. My high school, in other words, so at least we’ll have that in common.

The thing that cracks me up, aside from the fact that my new boyfriend is about 12 years old, is that except for the neurotic literary bit, that is actually my husband, right there in a stupid online quiz. Who says internet matchmaking doesn’t work?

To keep Dan company, I decided that my fake TV boyfriend needed a girlfriend. I thought about signing him up on an internet dating site, just to see what happened, but eventually decided against it. Unfortunately, men who announce in their profiles that they’re not the richest guy on the block historically don’t do that well in online dating (tip: save that piece of info for the 3rd date), so I decided to move on to greener pastures and find him a fake TV girlfriend.

Fishing around for a pool of potential dates, I finally took the Which Grey’s Anatomy Character Are You? quiz. Because the line between my fake TV boyfriend and my real radio husband seem strangely blurry, I was secretly rooting for Addison - my husband digs redheads, so I assume Dan does as well. Mostly, though, I was just praying that I wouldn’t be Meredith.

For better or worse, it seems Dan is hooking up with Callie:

Again, except for the first part, this is not a bad reading of my personal tea leaves. Which, I would just like to point out, are unfortunately not floating at the bottom of bone china cups with little silver spoons on matching saucers. Other than that though, it’s reasonably accurate. Plus, like me and Dan, Callie and I have a few things in common - she’s an orthopedic surgeon, and I have a long and distinguished career as an orthopedic surgery patient, so there is that.

Considering Dan is quite like my husband and Callie is quite like me, I think these two have a bright future together. I’ll try to remember to check up on them in the upcoming television season, and offer them what advice I can as their relationship progresses. In any event, I wish Dan and Callie the best of luck, and hope they’re very happy together.

I’m off to buy them a wedding present, right after I check my horoscope.